Today is a BIG day!

I have been more than terrible about keeping this up but today is a day for a blog because I just don’t want to forget it. God is so good and his timing is perfect. 

I remembered today that Saturday was the three year mark that my dad gave his life to Christ. If you knew my dad, you also know that his addictions and hard heart made his salvation seem impossible. But God did it- he melted his heart of stone. In fact, “I want to ask Jesus into my heart” were the exact words he spoke to me through tears.  God healed my dad spiritually rather than physically-- and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know I have blogged about it before but I never want to forget that moment. His words after we prayed of “thank you for not giving up on me” are forever engraved in my heart and they will forever motivate me when the salvation of others seems impossible. 

God is so good. He is so faithful. He has used every ounce of pain I ever felt and turned it into something way bigger than myself.  If it were up to me I would be a wedding planner and definitely not in college.  (If you know me, you know that school is the last thing I want to do.) Yet, God has different and better plans for me, so here I am in nursing school surviving and even loving it. 

Today is a big day! Today is my first day at the hospital for nursing school! If you had told me three years ago what I would be doing today I would not believe you. As I rejoiced today that I can rest assured my dad is no longer sick or suffering I am also able to reflect back and see just how God really did use my past to prepare me for my future. Today marks the day that I am finally able to see a glimpse of the plans God has for me.

Nervous, anxious, but mostly nervous—feelings of  doubt and thoughts of “I have no idea what I’m doing, I'm not prepared for this", are clouding my mind. And in fact, I probably will feel that way for a while. But that’s not what I want to remember. Today in convocation God had a word just for me that has brought complete peace and confirmation that I am exactly where I should be. 

We looked at Exodus 3 this morning.  When God told Moses that he was going to bring his people out of Egypt the first thing Moses said was “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?” Moses felt inadequate. Yet God responded with a promise, “I will be with you”.  Still doubting a few verses down Moses asks God what he should say and God gives him specific instruction on what to say.  “Say this” and “Say this”.  In chapter 4 Moses, moving on to yet another excuse as to why he is not fit for the task tells God that he cannot do this because he is not eloquent in his speech. Gods response? A rhetorical question…”Who has made mans mouth? ...Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak”.  God provided Moses with a promise and confirmation that Moses was prepared for that specific task. In the same way, God has made me for a specific task- this one. Who am I to question him, I am simply to obey him and forget all of the “what if’s” that lead only to anxiety.

As silly as it may seem I was reminded today that though I feel completely unqualified and unprepared to go to the hospital today God will be with me. Just as he has always been, my job is to be faithful; to work hard studying so I can become the best nurse I can be and then watch what God does through me.  I cannot wait to encounter patients who remind me of my dad, patients who I know will motivate me and remind me of why I am doing what I am. 

-S

Psalm 77 11-14

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes I will remember your wonders of old.

I will ponder all your work, 

and meditate on your mighty deeds.

Your way O God is holy.

What god is great like our God?

You are the God who works wonders;

you have made known your might among the peoples.