Confirmation

I am writing this post for my benefit completely.  I have to have something to go back to, something to reconfirm that my decision was what i felt God calling me to do, that it was something that will grow, teach, and mature me.  Opportunity and blessing can come from this decision and i HAVE to be reminded of that when i feel totally lonely and like i made the wrong choice.  I have gone out of my comfort zone, out of my routine, and relinquished control of a situation i realize i never really had control over in the first place.My feelings  have not changed.  But i realized that i have felt so unsatisfied because i'm trying to find my satisfaction in things other than God. (which i never thought would happen.. its as if i've been blinded thinking i didn't struggle with that then it hit me that i do.)  I have felt let down and its just draining having expectations that come with having a boyfriend unmet.  Right now God is telling me to pull back, telling me to let go and let God, to walk through a season alone, just me and God. To let God fill the void that dad left in my heart.  It will be lonely, but I need to learn to use my spare moments to talk to God and use those spare moments to focus on how God wants to grow me.  My primary needs have to be met from a primary source. If i want God to bless my relationship I have to listen to Him and let him test me, let him grow me.  I have to be uncomfortable.  


Today i prayed (while crying) "God show me that you WILL use this and that you WILL grow me, that you WILL hold me and fill the voids satan is trying to remind me of right now" I opened my devotional and the first sentence in my devotion was " Come to me when you are hurting and I will soothe your pain. I am All you need and just when you need it. Your deepest desires find fulfillment in Me alone."  Alright God, this is yours and i know this will be hard but i'm taking your hand, i'm turing to you and for this first week i'm going to let you carry me in your arms and comfort me like only you can. 


John 16: 20 "You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." 


until next time,
me