Parched Land

Oh Wednesday, how great it is to see you! Tonight me and court court are going to campus church and Clayton King is speaking so it is very possible i will make a new record of blogging twice in one day after his sermon. I know God is going to speak directly to me tonight.  Well. This morning i got up at 9:08 which meant i was late, i had to meet my english teacher at 9 40 to have my paper edited and long story short i ended up being late to convo meaning i had to sit on the ground at the top because i wasn't going to walk down while everyone was already sitting to get my seat.  Luckly, the speaker in my opinion was doozy he was from the house of representatives and spoke of government history things that don't quite yet interest me yet. (my dad would have LOVED it). Up until this point i felt like unless i was  continually talking to God I wouldn't make it. Small conversations like "God help me get through this next hour, make me dependent upon you, keep me from wanting that "have a good day" text i usually look forward to.  I sat down and opened my bible to Psalm 143 and underlined was verse 8. It is a short passage so i flipped back a page and read from verse one... these are the verses that stuck out to me. 
1 O Lord, hear my prayer, 
listen to my cry for mercy
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief
( just how i was feeling this morning) 
5 I remember the days of long ago
I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. 
(God had shown me time and time again I can trust him.. that means i can trust him with this) 
6. I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. 
(thats how desperate i want to be for God) 
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you. 
Show me the way i should go,
for to you I lift up my soul
(let the morning, this morning in particular, remind me of your unfailing never ending, perfect fulfilling love for ME, and show me what the next step is) 

What an encouragement that was, I'm currently reading through Psalm and reading "Show me the way i should go" reminded me of 
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 
I got to thinking God promises he will instruct me and teach me in the way i should go, thats a truth i can stand upon and claim.  But he will counsel me? counsel... when I think of a counselor i think of someone who doesn't judge, someone with answers and solutions, advise and someone who listens and loves.  I could use a counselor right about now and it occurred to me, Christ has promised to be that to me but i have to let him. I have to go to him, i have to be vulnerable honest, and willing to work through this with God. He doesn't want me to travel down any road in my life alone.  


Today Christ revealed to me that if turn my eyes to him and just like the song says look full in his wonderful face the things of the world to grow strangely dim... its there that He can teach me what he wants me to learn right now. Its there that he can grow me into a the woman he wants me to be.  For today though, I'm in the turning my eyes to God part of this journey. I know when i get to the next step he will show me great and might things which i do not yet know (Jer 33:3) But i have to be still and be quiet and learn, force myself to find true satisfaction in Him alone.  Being satisfied is something i don't think can be faked so ill be on this journey for as long as it takes me to get to that point. 


I have allowed the dullness of routine and feeling like i was just surviving instead of thriving to root itself in my life by being so focused on future plans and decisions and I have missed what Christ is trying to teach me right now. I always seem to learn things the hard way but ill get there no doubt. Im starting to absorb the truth that He is always ready to listen, to give advise, to spend time with me, to really be that counselor. 


If Christ can be glorified then to me its worth it.  And I do believe God in his greatness can somehow be glorified through this period in my life. 


until next time,
me